How to snoop on my boyfriend

In the first few weeks of us dating, he had sex with my then-best-friend in the toilets of our university accommodation while I was drinking and wondering where they both were on the floor above. After that, things were pretty wonderful.

We were in love, we were nailing long distance, and when I went to visit him in the U. I saw it at the top of his messages: a conversation with a girl in which he asked for pictures in her bikini. I brought it up, there was an explanation was it true? But that snoop was the start of something dangerous. One night, when he was out with friends, I felt the urge to see if that laptop password — something obvious and ego-pumping along the lines of [name]isthebest — would be the same as his Facebook password.

Parental control

It was the same, and the moment it let me look inside his Facebook messages was the ultimate dark thrill. There was nothing too off there, just some friendly chat, but I was bothered by the lie.

Now the messages were flirty, and I could see him messaging her while we were on Skype. But in the months fine, years that followed I kept finding myself checking his phone when he exited the room. I knew it was wrong, but my previous snooping had yielded evidence of wrongdoing.

Snooping: What You Need to Ask Yourself BeforeYou Do It | HuffPost

There must be some kind of conditioning effect going on. This makes the desire to snoop an itching nerve that comes every time my boyfriend leaves his phone in the room when he goes to the bathroom, or when he lets me use his laptop. Much to her disappointment, Micky said, early on in her relationship with her second husband -- her then-boyfriend -- she read some of his Skype text conversations.

I was so embarrassed and ashamed I had done that. Laurie, also a mom of two, said she approached the issue a whole lot differently 10 years ago than she would today.


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Why women are medicating away their moodiness. Back then, she said, she snooped "numerous times," checking her partners' emails and even getting into their accounts on various dating websites because she thought they were cheating on her. Women, it's perfectly normal to be moody If partners in a relationship have to snoop on one another, then there is a problem in the relationship, said Janeane, a mother of four who said she has never snooped on her husband.

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David, a married father of two, said that if a girlfriend snooped on him during his dating years, that relationship would probably end very quickly. Plus, she says, people probably won't get to the bottom of anything by snooping, because partners could always have other email accounts or could have deleted texts and emails.

Brutally Honest: Is it OK to spy on your kids? Is it OK to spy on your kids? She pointed to cases, reported in her magazine, in which young women found out that a boyfriend was a drug abuser or a sex addict by looking at their phone or finding a second phone in the house. Diane, who is married with no kids, said that if and only if she had reason to believe her husband were engaged in "illegal or immoral conduct" would she feel an obligation to investigate.

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But beyond that, she said, snooping shows a lack of trust, personal insecurity and a "complete disregard for the person's right to privacy. A friend of hers looked at her husband's emails and found he had been having an online flirtation with a former girlfriend, someone he had known years before he met his wife, she said. It was a midlife crisis, and it was over before she found out, but it nearly destroyed a year marriage.

Kitty, who is not married, says that in relationships, she and her partner have an understanding that they are always free to read each other's emails and texts.

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How women can help women Yes, and they were fully aware I did so. But on the other hand, they were free to read mine," she said. Check your 'cat-lady' preconceptions about childless women.